Originally posted December 20, 2019 on SparklyAura.com

Sometimes it is very difficult to be positive about my journey through migraine. I have good days, bad days & everything in between. The good days seem to fly by, while the bad days seem like they last forever. On good days I can’t help but to expect the proverbial other shoe to drop, which ends up taking away from the enjoyment of that good day/days. I’m certain that other people with migraine can understand this feeling. Do you ever feel like a period of good days make the bad worse? I find that I beat myself up more during times like this.

Yesterday, for example, I needed to get holiday preparations done as I only have yesterday & today off of work before Christmas. I spent most of yesterday in bed with a horrible migraine. Great. So now I have only today to get things done. Talk about stress!! I am, however, done with the shopping. Baking, wrapping & cleaning is a completely different story!

Sometimes I feel like a complete failure.  I neglect, I cancel & I forget.  Most of the time I can brush off the feeling of failure, the holidays isn’t one of those times.  People are counting on me to do all of the things I have always done & I will push myself to do them even though I’m dying inside. I will smile, laugh & host so that I seem normal.

Luckily, Botox seems to be helping me, so I am having more tolerable days. My attendance in life has improved significantly. Even though I still have people in my life who think it’s not helping because I do still have migraine. They don’t understand, no matter how many times I explain, that this is not a cure all & that there is not a cure all for migraine.

These days though the lows seem to be lower than before. I guess I can attribute it to getting glimpses of the old me before chronic migraine. I think it intensifies the bad days. I find myself feeling depression, anxiety & isolating myself much more during times like this. I’m not sure how to stop these feelings. Can you relate to this? If you can, how do you cope with these feelings?

I won’t give up fighting this beast! I have made some progress in this fight. Yes, I do still have feelings of inadequacy but I will continue trying. I will still have bad days but I must remember that there are good days to come. I will continue to try my best & to realize that I am enough, even if I don’t get it all done.

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